Despite the best efforts of fifth year student Sheryl Lau, her attempts at holding her life together using a 25mm foldback bulldog clip are failing.

Although Lau only has a few responsibilities and lives a pretty cruisy life, her general ineptitude and crippling laziness makes the most basic of tasks alongside a demanding Master’s degree in architecture quite difficult.

“Bulldog clips are super strong, unlike me,” says Lau. “I’m so weak that I got a really bad cold just because I spent a bit too long digging around in the fridge. Now I’m seven weeks behind on my thesis.”

Lau has spent the week snapping the black metal jaws at her abysmal thesis, unread emails, blocked sinuses and unwashed piles of dishes, to no avail.

“I don’t know why it’s not helping. These clips are so sturdy and professional looking they should be able to do anything. I owe my Bachelor’s degree solely to hanging up my work with one or two of these little metal babies. Everyone loves bulldog clips.”

At the time of publication, Lau had still not made any personal effort to making progress in her life, but was passively watching a movie and looking up larger bulldog clips on her phone.